


2021 Daily Prompts - Situational

by onestepatatime



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 11,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28482528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onestepatatime/pseuds/onestepatatime
Summary: Let's see how many of these daily prompts my dwarven muses can stand before they strike. Thorin lost a bet to Dain, which involves all of Thorin's Company filling prompts for 100 days. Bilbo and Thorin must both fill in when another dwarf either quits a prompt or refuses to participate.The answer is they can stand 28. This post is complete. Daily cold starts are their own kind of challenge, and one I've found isn't much fun.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 15
Kudos: 10





	1. Situational - Shopping

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Runaway Tales Prompt List](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/736533) by shayna611/Runaway Tales. 



> Legal Disclaimer: All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners. I make no profit from this story.
> 
> I have taken a group of prompt lists from a website. I have then added pairings of dwarf victims that were chosen by the atmosphere at random.org. Prompts will be between 100 and 500 words. What this mix will become is anyone's guess.
> 
> The prompt lists that I'm using can be found at Runaway Tales Prompt List.  
> The dwarf name list starts as alphabetical. The kicker is that Bilbo and Thorin had to both fill in when another dwarf either quit a prompt or refused to participate. The author has 'volunteered' dwarves from time to time.

Table of Contents

Set 1: 1, 13 Balin & Oin _shopping_

Set 2: 1, 11 Balin & Kili _the sniffles_

Set 3: 13, 14 Oin & Ori _chores_

Set 4: 10, 15 Gloin & Thorin _I can't believe you (don't) know how to…_

Set 5: 3, 14 Bilbo & Ori _friendly competition_

Set 6: 6, 15 Dori & Thorin _dinner party_

Set 7: 3, 4 Bilbo & Bofur _holiday_

Set 8: 3, 10 Bilbo & Gloin _my mentor/idol/hero_

Set 9: 2, 5 Bifur & Bombur _mother used to say_

Set 10: 1, 9 Balin & Gandalf _phobias_

Set 11: 2, 9 Bifur & Gandalf _a walk in the woods_

Set 12: 2, 9 Bifur & Gandalf _a storm_

Set 13: 3, 11 Bilbo & Kili _a day at the beach_

Set 14: 1, 6 Balin & Dori _around the campfire_

Set 15: 5, 7 Bombur & Dwalin _inhospitable lodgings_

Set 16: 8, 9 Fili & Gandalf _unexpected luxuries/simple pleasures_

Set 17: 9, 10 Gandalf & Gloin _stranded_

Set 18: 1, 3 Balin & Bilbo _a dream/nightmare/trouble sleeping_

Set 19: 2, 3 Bifur & Bilbo _games/sports_

Set 20: 1, 12 Balin & Kili _drinking_

Set 21: 3, 13 Bilbo & Oin _a dare_

Set 22: 2, 5 Bifur & Bombur _gossip/a rumor_

Set 23: 6, 13 Dori & Oin _music/dancing/singing_

Set 24: 4, 13 Bofur & Oin _a gift_

Set 25: 9, 13 Gandalf & Oin _changing seasons_

Set 26: 2, 5 Bifur & Bombur _anniversary/memorial_

Set 27: 6, 12 Dori & Nori _routines_

Set 28: 10, 11 Gloin & Kili _mail/letter/package_

Set 29: 1, 10 Balin & Gloin _my favorite thing(s)_

Set 30: 5, 10 Bofur & Gloin _cloud/star-gazing_

Character Placement List

1 Balin

2 Bifur

3 Bilbo

4 Bofur

5 Bombur

6 Dori

7 Dwalin

8 Fili

9 Gandalf

10 Gloin

11 Kili

12 Nori

13 Oin

14 Ori

15 Thorin

Set 1: Balin & Oin – Shopping

Thorin groaned as he untangled his hair from his headset yet again. He looked down at his clipboard to needlessly recheck today’s production schedule to avoid Oin’s smirking face. He ignored Balin’s expression that promised retribution for this humiliation. But, a bet was a bet, and they had lost.

“Keeping us on schedule there, boss?” Nori could joke and snicker. He wasn’t scheduled for a set until Day 27, and had a pairing with his brother Dori. Thorin had tried to keep the thief’s glee reined in by refusing to reveal the prompt. That plan had backfired when Thorin had given his assistant, Bilbo, his own copy of this first prompt list schedule. Nori had merely watched Bilbo’s expressions change as the hobbit had read down the list. Now the annoying thief knew that his assigned set was much like living with Dori; nothing to worry about. Nori was free to torment the others.

“Just keep the sound boom out of the frame.” Thorin turned away, to find Balin in his face.

“King or no king, do not use your advisory council’s free labor as an asset in a game of chance ever again, Thorin.” Balin, and every other dwarf in his Company, got the shock of their lives when a drunk Thorin had lost a mere coin toss to Dain. Yes, Dain had agreed to sign a trade agreement of Thorin’s wish list if he lost, but still. Dain’s demand for Thorin’s Company, supervised by Thorin and Bilbo, to be actors in yet another series, was a bet that no reasonable creature would take.

“Oin and Balin, check. Nori on the boom, check. Bofur in the sound room…” Bilbo wandered by, his nose happily buried in his own clipboard’s checklist. He bumped into Thorin, to look up with a bright smile. “Oh, Thorin! Isn’t this an amazing project to work on? I can’t wait to get started. We are all set and waiting for your order. Balin, break a leg!”

Bilbo didn’t notice that Balin didn’t echo the sentiment; the elder advisor’s expression reminded Thorin of the fact that Dwalin was his brother. Thorin merely smiled and patted Bilbo’s head as the hobbit continued on his rounds. Bilbo looked up in indignation, but merely smiled and shook a finger at Thorin.

“Remember my words, my king.” Balin might be a rather short dwarf, but he easily pushed Thorin out of his way to get on set.

“Alright, let’s get this in one take.” Thorin fixed his headset once again and settled in his seat.


	2. Set 1: Balin & Oin - Shopping

Set 1: Balin & Oin – Shopping

"You want a yam? It's not on the shopping list." Oin was oblivious to everything except his list as he maneuvered the shopping cart down the aisle leading to the Produce Department.

"I said that I want to jam this pineapple up Thorin's elongated beak." Balin had just returned from the Produce Department. Once again, Oin had ignored him when Balin said that he would get the things at the back of the store.

"I don't care if Thorin has trouble taking a leak. He can see me during office hours like everyone else." Oin bellowed as he barreled down two other shoppers that had stopped to listen to this bit of gossip about their king.

"You will both deny hearing any of that if you value your other foot," Balin growled as he followed the cart. The injured dwarves managed to nod vigorously as they hopped on one foot in pain. They would be in to see Oin during office hours.

"I know that you are still mad at Dain for winning the bet, but it's not so bad. Giving the kitchen staff a break from grocery shopping isn't the end of the world, Balin." Oin perused a pile of oranges, carefully squeezing them to check for soft spots.

"Really?" Balin threw the bag of oranges that he had already gotten into the cart. "I'm rather mad at Thorin, actually. I've been planning his demise for some time today."

"What's wrong with Thorin's thighs?" Oin barked. "Speak up; I can hardly hear you, Balin."

"Yes, speak up. I can't lower the sound boom any lower, or it will get into the frame." Balin looked up to see Nori in some harness contraption, hanging from the ceiling.

"Pineapple? What's that?" Oin continued on with his list, content that the king's advisor would bring Thorin to the next infirmary sick call. He held a bag of apples out to Balin. "How about these?"

"Perfect. Thank you." Balin smiled as he took the bag. A moment later, apples began hitting Nori.

"How is the sound now, Nori?"

Thorin groaned as he got up from his seat and put his head out of the control room. "Let's try this again from the top without the sarcasm, nor using the sound dwarf as target p…."

"Of course, Thorin." Balin happily lobbed an apple, or five, Thorin's way before storming out of the store and off the set.

"I had heard that Balin was taking conkers lessons from Bilbo. They certainly paid off with Balin's improved aim." Bofur pulled Thorin back into the control room and led him to his seat.

"Thorin!" Bilbo's piping hobbit shriek came just as Bilbo's everpresent handkerchief was pressed to the dwarf king's now bleeding nose. "Are you alright? What happened?"

"Juzz phine. Doe worry." Thorin sat back and let his fussy hobbit tend to him.


	3. Set 2: Balin & Kili – The Sniffles

Set 2: Balin & Kili – The Sniffles

"Why am I on set instead of Oin, our esteemed healer?" Balin wasn't upset. Balin was livid as he glared down at Bilbo, the nearest representation of Thorin in the set area. Appalled at Balin's use of his conkers lessons, the hobbit had insisted on supervising today's activity. As Thorin's face was still rather swelled, with a black eye and a puffy, sore nose, it hadn't taken much convincing on Bilbo's part to spend the day in his personal forge.

"The atmosphere liked you better." Bilbo's smile was strained. He had little patience for a dwarf who was scheduled to be the main dwarf in at least three more sets this month alone. Hobbits were known for enduring patience, but they were also known for handling faunts about to have a tantrum. Better to nip the habit in the bud.

"Kili is perfectly healthy." As an elderly advisor, Balin was a keen observer. He spoke with his own strained smile and sweet tone as he eyed the hobbit's clipboard aimed at his head.

"Fili found some sneezing powder. He has also volunteered to help you on set." Bilbo didn't miss the misery of experience in Balin's eyes. No one knew how one of the Two Terrors would act during this new venture. Now, Balin was the guinea pig facing both of them.

"I realize that Thorin isn't here to rein in his nephews' behavior." Bilbo's scrunched up expression was hard to read, though the underlying message wasn't. Balin had put the king out of commission; he had to deal with the consequences. "I will make a hot toddy for you to serve Kili. It will be a simple, short set."

Balin was clearly torn between outrage and being a silver tongue blessed diplomat. "I take this set. Dain takes Set 20 with Kili. It's only fair to spread the misery. Also, what is a hot toddy?"

"Hot water, whiskey, honey, and lemon. A liquor-loving dwarf, one with nearly two centuries of dealings with men, has never heard of one of the few good things that man has created?" Bilbo eyed Balin for a moment, then shrugged. "We have a set to finish. Just serve Kili the hot drink, Balin."

"Just serve the hot drink to Kili. Don't spill it on the sound dwarf, Balin." Nori's face wasn't sporting any apple damage as he whisked by, but he wasn't stopping to be annoying, either.


	4. Set 2: Balin & Kili - The Sniffles

"Fili, this sneezing powder isn't working." Kili resettled in his bed, trying to drape himself across it in a dramatic deathbed pose that was a far cry from Thorin's instructions. To just act cranky like Kili always did when bedridden seemed rather dull. Fili sat next to him, holding his younger brother's hand while playing the soon to be grieving elder brother to the hilt.

"Maybe it takes time to work." Fili shrugged, grooming his expression more towards sorrow as Bilbo's whistle, a new gadget, signaled to start. Balin's scripted light knock was more of a banging demand to be let in, or he would ax the door down.

"Come in," Fili called with a half sob as Kili tried and failed to speak above a weak whisper. Balin came in with a tray loaded with a pitcher and two cups.

"How is our patient today?" Balin dutifully filled the cups while smiling and talking in a kindly voice. It was more the voice one used with a sucker-punch addled dwarf than a worried friend, but close enough in Bilbo's mind. If Dain didn't like the acting quality, he could talk to Balin himself.

"Kili wishes for you to be the one to help him write his will, oh wise Balin." Now Fili did release a full sob as Kili tried to sit up and pretend fainted back into the blankets. Balin noted that the dramatic pose of death was perfect. It made it very hard to not follow his temptation to strangle the prince for real.

"His will, as in last living testament?" The elder dwarf could think of a few things to do to Kili that would be a fine testament to Balin's temper. "Here, drink. Bilbo himself made you a hot toddy."

"I..I.." Kili tried and failed to sit up yet again. Balin noted that while the terror had a sleep shirt on, it barely covered his daytime pants and boots. The idiot had forgotten to take them off.

"Drink, Kili. It's hot water, whiskey, honey, and lemon. Very therapeutic." Balin nearly had a lapful of hot toddy from Kili's speed as the prince grabbed the cup.

"Whiskey? Uncle Thorin won't let us have it. Right, Fili?"

"For good reason." Fili was frowning as he put down his own cup that he had been about to sip. Kili just smiled and held his cup in both hands as he guarded it between sips.

"That's a good lad. Drink up." Balin smiled and sat down, pulling out his pipe. "You'll be over your cold in no time. You haven't sneezed once; the hot toddy works so well."

"Yes, it does. Fili, my pipe, please." Kili handed Balin a pouch from the nightstand as the dwarf patted his pockets for forgotten tobacco. Fili quickly swapped the half-full cup for the requested pipe before pulling out his own. Balin passed back the bag, and all three settled in for a smoke.

Kili's face scrunched up as he looked around while Balin lit his pipe. "Fili, I think we are smoking that sneezing powder that doesn't…"

**BOOM!**

"…work."

**BOOM!**

"Oops." Kili was suddenly a wise dwarf himself as he refrained from looking at the aftermath. He was the picture of health as he jumped out of bed and took off, running for his life.

"You're going to need a will when I get ahold of you, brother. I'll let you write it just before I kill you." Fili's lunge was nearly successful in grabbing Kiili. He was off just as fast, the remains of his mustache braids still smoldering.

"Balin, are you alright?" Bilbo and Bofur were quickly on set, just to stare at the now dusky gray face, a bit of pipe still held between his teeth.

"I dare say that blasting powder was a might better smoke than your Shire pipeweed, Bilbo."


	5. Set 3: Oin & Ori – Chores

Set 3: Oin & Ori – Chores

Oin looked at the piles of pots and pans that the kitchen dishwashers had not been around to clean. Why had the kitchen staff that did the drudge work decide that Oin and Balin doing the shopping one time mean that Thorin was giving them a vacation?

"What else on the chore list, Ori?" Why did each set Oin was assigned have to have a list of things to do? Oin settled in a chair, opting to ignore the hard rind of food caked on the dishware. "Things that don't involve the kitchen. We've already done its staff a favor by doing the shopping."

"Hmm." Ori's eyes read with a keenness that Oin could only recall fondly. He hated the spectacles that he needed at times. "Changing linens in the royal suites."

"Thorin is making Fili and Kili clean those for a month, under Balin's supervision."

"Organizing, repairing, and sanitizing toys in the communal nursery. Next." Ori cringed at the idea of handling things that toddlers who truly sniffled with real germs had chewed and sneezed on.

"Exercising the war ram. That sounds exciting." The scribe looked hopefully at Oin. "It would fill up the day."

"Floor?" Oin's puzzled look clearly showed that he wondered why Ori was happy with the idea of mopping.

"WAR RAM EXERCISE!" It was worth the extra effort.

"Just…no." Oin's joints were screaming at just the thought of jarring rides up and down the mountain's slopes.

"Compost heap?"

"Pounding what?"

"Folding and distributing clean laundry?"

"Maybe. What kind of quandary is Dis in?"

"Organizing library books." Now Ori beamed, until Oin huffed. The happy shrill of library" had done him in.

"On your own time. That's your day job, Ori. Next."

"Cleaning mud from the royal carpets?" Ori slowly enunciated this one before Oin assumed that he had said boil and tarpit in the same sentence.

"Bilbo's current day job. Sneaky hobbit. Next."

"He did riddle with a dragon, and smuggle us out of Thranduil's…"

"Next!" Ori had always been a bit too fond of their hobbit, but he was one of few people who could befriend all Ri brothers. It was hard to find anyone in a thieving profession (retired, thank you, Bilbo would say). Much less a person adored books and learning, and was as fussy an expert on tea as Dori.

"Cleaning cobwebs out of areas still to be renovated?" Ori finished with a shiver as a chill ran up his spine. All of Thorin Company now had _arachnophobia, some violently so._ For example, Oin himself was frozen with a menacing look on his face. Ori wondered momentarily about how the healer had heard him correctly for this one.

"Cobwebs?" Ori tried to tell himself that Oin was not threatening him with his body language as he approached closer. He failed. "COBWEBS!"

"Dori!" By the time Oin reached out, the scribe was long gone, the list still fluttering as it fell to the floor.


	6. Set 4: Gloin & Thorin - I can't believe you (don't) know how to…

Set 4: Gloin & Thorin - I can't believe you (don't) know how to… 

"Why are we at a playground?" Thorin looked around at all of the mothers staring at them. "Why is Gimli on that strange contraption?"

"What, you have never seen a swing set before?" Gloin looked incredulous, though not as incredulous as the mothers staring at Gloin pushing his nearly grown son on a swing.

"No." Thorin began to inspect the swing set, to be knocked over by a young dwarf's boots flying through the air at him.

"You never pushed Fili or Kili on a swing?" Gloin made certain that Gimli was hanging on tight before turning his back to help Thorin up.

"Dis would not trust me with them until they were old enough for weapons training." Thorin opted to cancel his inspection. "Isn't Gimli a bit old for needing a push?"

"This is your lost bet, Thorin. A randomizer chose that you would have no idea about how to swing, so here we are. I had to work with was available."

"Father bribed me with my naming day ax early if I went along with this." Gimli seemed to be swinging just fine on his own, and enjoying it immensely.

"Why are you here?" A suspicious mother approached Thorin. "We all know Gloin. He's been coming here for years with his boy Gimli. We find strangers hanging around to be very suspicious behavior."

"I would love to leave…" Thorin began, and screeched to a halt at seeing Gloin drawing a finger across his throat. Thorin was not going to escape the torture that he had imposed on his Company.

"I…I just wanted to check out the safety features of the equipment. Little Bilbo is rather frail." Thorin's mouth blurted out before his brain could filter it. Though, he would have said it either way. With her visible daggers, the boy's mother looked far more dangerous than a hobbit at the moment.

"Little. Frail?" Gloin and Gimli echoed in disbelief as they shook their heads.

"It's a good day for a funeral, eh, Thorin?" He ignored the catcall as the mother's face softened. "My son, Beril, would gladly show little Bilbo around, if you'd like."

"Gladly. Thank you." Thorin smiled as he went behind the bushes hiding the studio crew. He returned, screeching hobbit in hand, complete with headset and clipboard, under his arm.

"Put me down you…" Bilbo didn't have time to say anything else, as he was indeed put down, on a swing!

"Check that he's properly seated, and holding on with both hands…" Gloin, smug grin and all, began explaining all that a parent would need to know about having their child on the swing set.

Bilbo really should not have beat Thorin so hard with the clipboard. Confiscated with the headset, it was hidden in Thorin's robes for leverage. Bilbo sighed and hung on to the ropes as he was pushed into the air, and plotted a king's demise.


	7. Set 5: Bilbo & Ori - Friendly Competition

Set 5: Bilbo & Ori - Friendly Competition

"What did you say?" Thorin was flabbergasted by what Bilbo had just told him. "I obviously didn't hear you clearly. I could have sworn that you said that you were not participating in today's set to go outside and look at trees."

"It's called birdwatching, Thorin." For today, Bilbo had replaced his headset and clipboard with a sunhat, backpack, and a pair of binoculars. Thorin would have been outright angry at hearing this, but the hobbit was adorable. While Bilbo prattled on about the intricacies of such sport, Thorin admired him in his little hat, complete with a white strip of zinc on his nose for sun protection. Where had Dwalin found the miniature binoculars that fit Bilbo perfectly?

"I have to go now, Thorin. Ori is waiting for me." Bilbo's highlighted in zinc nose scrunched up as he glared at Thorin. "You will have to direct this set without getting in trouble. There you are, Ori. Ready to go?"

The scribe was sporting his own sunhat and binoculars, but he was looking at a paper and frowning. "Bilbo, we are the pairing for today's set. The prompt is 'friendly competition'. We can't go out now."

"The random word for this set was birdwatching. You are the only dwarf that I know who can pull of friendly competition, Ori." Bilbo wasn't phased one bit. He grabbed Ori's paper and shoved it against Thorin's chest. "On second thought, you should join us to take notes on how Ori succeeds so admirably as we compete. As in competing in a friendly way, without axes or maiming, at identifying different bird species."

"Here's your new list, Ori." Bilbo gave the now blushing and speechless scribe his new paper of birds to look out for. "Thorin is cooking dinner, complete with dessert, for the winner."

Ori didn't move as Bilbo turned and marched away. Staring at Thorin a moment, he shrugged and began to breathe again. "Do you need to borrow my quill and paper for note-taking?"

"That's quite unnecessary, Ori, but thank you." Thorin shook his head and marched off back inside Erebor. It seemed that Bilbo was making a point of having these sets evolve into a friendly competition of their own. Fine. Thorin could play, but on his own terms. Note-taking indeed!


	8. Set 6: Dori & Thorin - Dinner Party

Set 6: Dori & Thorin - Dinner Party

Dori looked across the dining room. It wasn't Erebor's grand banquet hall; that was still being renovated and repaired. Instead, Dori's first fancy dinner party was in one of several smaller galleries. It was still an elegant room, with gem laden mosaics and elaborate tapestries covering the walls. The immense table had a fine gold thread embroidered linen tablecloth, complete with matching napkins. Fine gold place settings were exact, with name cards made by Ori showing off names in perfect script.

"Please sit down." Dori opened the door to his guests, smiling and happily accepting accolades on the fine setup and mouthwatering smells coming from the platters. Then, Dain came in, followed by Thorin. Both looked angry. Dori merely smiled and showed them to their seat. As this was a private dinner for special guests, indeed Dain would behave. He would, with Dori gripping the Iron Hills lord's shoulder a bit too hard for a moment in a warning.

"Bilbo, what are you doing in the hall?" Dori hadn't missed their burglar's absence, and found him immaculately dressed, by hobbit standard, but waiting by the outer door to the gallery.

"I..ah…I prefer to wait just a moment." Bilbo smiled, but it was a strained effort.

"Our burglar is too polite to say that Thorin and Dain are at each other's throats again." Dressed in deep red velvets, Balin was immaculate. He looked as angry as ever, still stewing over the lost bet to Dain. He was also content to wait at the door.

"There is no way that…" Dori smiled and gestured for his reluctant guests to enter.

"Dori!" Ori's yell wasn't panicked, but more horrified with a dash of disbelief. "Dain has the roast. Thorin has a…Oh dear, just get in here!"

"If you don't like how we are doing it, then you can do it yourself!" Thorin's bellow preceded a splashing that indicated that the soup tureen was being upended over Dain's head.

"Excuse me; I have to handle a quick problem." Dori hadn't lost his gracious smile, though he had fisted his hands before turning back into the dining room.

"It's a shame that we got all dressed up for nothing." Bilbo flat out ignored the crash of chairs breaking and a scream or two. He smoothed down his weskit and held out one of his feet to admire that afternoon's conditioning of his foot hair.

"I did receive an invite from Bard in Dale just this morning. He should be having dinner soon." Balin pulled out a scroll.

"Shall we?" Bilbo smiled and offered his arm. "Dori will be taking his time with his fun."

"Gladly." Balin accepted the offered arm and turned to hear a satisfying scream before regally exiting down the hall.


	9. Set 7: Bilbo & Bofur - Holiday

Set 7: Bilbo & Bofur - Holiday

Bilbo happily grabbed another margarita, sipping it thoughtfully as the tropical sun warmed his wiggling toes. Being at a tropical resort while Thorin and Dain warred in Erebor over a bet was a lovely turn of events.

"This is the life, eh, Bilbo?" Bofur reclined on his pool lounger, sipping three margaritas at once. "Comes in handy to have a resident burglar, I always say."

"Retired burglar." Bilbo contentedly blew bubbles. "I simply memorized the spell that Radagast left lying around, along with two pinches of the spell powder. It was meant to be my vacation. Now we have to travel back to Erebor the long way."

Bofur ignored Bilbo's accusing tone. "Just means that we'll be back when we get back. Are you in a big hurry, Bilbo? You look comfy enough."

"Hobbits are like plants; we thrive in warm sunlight." Bilbo sat up from his lounger and looked around at the quiet pool. "And we do have sunshine. Want to go for a dip?"

"Don't mind if we do! Woohoo!" Two blurs ran past for a cannonball dive into the pool. The cold-water splash soaked Bilbo's feet, undoing his fine sunbathing. "Kili!"

"And Fili!" The Two Terrors resurfaced with another intentional splash.

"Boys." Bofur calmy grabbed another drink. His funny hat was a surprisingly good sunhat that didn't need frequent adjustments as Bilbo's straw hat did.

"Hey, Bilbo! Hey, Bofur! Hang ten, dude!" It was clear that they had no idea what it meant, but Bilbo kept his mouth shut at the boys' happy faces.

"You found Radagast's spell too, I assume." He did cross his arms. "Did you at least tell Thorin that you would be gone? Or Dwalin?"

"Uncle is laid up in the infirmary for a few days. Balin is having a grand time running things his way. We snuck out." Kili smiled unrepentantly before heading out to make more cannonball dives.

"Dwalin will soon find us." Bofur visibly wilted at the idea of Dwalin's wrath, at the heirs for dereliction of duty, coming here to ruin their paradise.

"Actually, we wanted to talk to Bilbo about that." Now Fili was grinning as he sat on an empty lounger. A smiling server girl, the first that Bilbo had seen, promptly brought him a drink.

"Yeah, you stay here, hidden, while we take your numerous set assignments, Bilbo." Kili paused in his third run. "Those things are ruining our fun all over Erebor."

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. "You have the whole pouch of spell powder?"

"All of it." Fili's smile turned cunning. "You have the spell. We have the spell powder to get your sensitive hobbit body home without months on a pony. Just soak up the sun, and forget about sets." Kili whooped as he jumped off the diving board.

"I believe that we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement," Bofur spoke before Bilbo could protest. He tapped his newest glass to Fili's. "Very beneficial."


	10. Fili & Kili - To Be Continued

Fili & Kili - To Be Continued

“I don’t feel so well, Fili.” Kili was a lovely shade of green in the tropical sunlight. They had woken up on the floor of Bofur’s room.

“It’s called a hangover, Kili.” Fili helped his brother to the couch, as his own stomach decided to be queasy.

“We’re all sick. Don’t know if it’s a virus, or bad food.” Bofur was groaning in the kitchen, nursing a Gatorade instead of a drink.

“Bilbo will be over soon with some toast and tea.” Bofur continued, then grabbed his Gatorade, and tottered back to his room. “Couch is all yours. Don’t get sick on it.”

“Thanks.” Fili frowned and handed Kili a thermometer.


	11. Thorin & Dain - To Be Continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the brief days. I'm not feeling well. Normal story list should hopefully return soon.

Thorin groaned, carefully stabilizing his injured leg with a pillow as he turned on his side.

"You need to be still with that sprained ankle." Dain grumped from his own infirmary bed.

"My ankle is fine in its splint. I'm turning over; my back is killing me."Thorin resettled with relief in his voice. "How are your ribs?"

"Cracked." Dain groused. Just breathing hurt. There would be no relief in a new position for him.

"I haven't heard from Balin about news of your nephews, cousin. Should we be worried?"

"Balin can handle them." Thorin had been trying to forget such business, stuck here in a bed. "Don't you dare tell them that we slipped on soup, and weren't victims of Dori's wrath."

"Then this is all your fault for dumping the tureen." Dain grumbled for the hundredth time.

"Whatever." Thorin settled his head better and tried to get some sleep.


	12. Set 8: Bilbo & Gloin -My Mentor/Idol/Hero

Set 8: Bilbo & Gloin -My Mentor/Idol/Hero

Bilbo floated on a flamingo around the pool, sipping a daiquiri as he watched Gloin make certain that Gimli's life jacket fitted properly. As soon as Gimli rushed off to join Fili and Kili at the deep end, Gloin settled in his own oversized flamingo and joined Bilbo in the gentle current.

"It's a nice place that you've found here, hobbit." Gloin raised his umbrella clad drink to Bilbo. Dwarves might love living underground, but they apparently adored climates as hot as a forge. Gloin had brought medicine for the boys from Oin, and his family to stay for an unspecified period.

"It is." Bilbo's flamingo circled Gloin's without care. Balin was looking after Erebor for the laid-up Thorin with an iron-fisted efficiency. That included audits in accounting that only he deemed necessary more than once a year. Gloin had simply bid his assistant good luck and vanished to parts unknown. Bilbo didn't care. Gimli had whispered rumors to Kili that Balin was holding Thorin and Dain hostage in the infirmary. Bilbo didn't care.

The idiots had ruined Dori's dinner party, injuring themselves in the process. They could live with the consequences. But Bilbo, as a comfort-loving hobbit who avoided conflict by nature, wasn't hanging around Erebor to have his ears blistered from the fallout.

"Your family means the world to you, Gloin." Bilbo sent his mind in more pleasant directions. "When you were a lad Gimli's age, who was your mentor?"

"A warrior or a banker?" Gloin's answer was a two-fold question of his own.

"Gimli will be a warrior like Dwalin. He is smart, but he’s never held regard for books. Account books are the most boring."

"Aye, he will be a warrior, and explorer, I've no doubt." Gloin watched the boys ineffectively push Gimli under the water. "Perhaps a diplomat's guard."

"Was your mentor a warrior and in finance? Bilbo guessed when Gloin wasn't forthcoming.

"My family have been royal advisors since time began." Gloin looked at an umbrella in his drink as if it were absolutely fascinating. "My father was Gróin, head financial advisor to Thror himself."

"I'm sorry." Bilbo patted a dwarven arm as he floated by, circling in the sun.

"My father wanted me to follow in his footsteps, for Thror was old, and Thrain was a good and decent heir. One day I was sent to the treasury to deliver a message. Thror himself accosted me, a wee dwarfling half Gimli's age." Gloin shook his head at some bad memory.

"Master Baggins," Gloin cleared his throat and began again in an odd formal tone. "I was saved by a lowly banker's assistant named Drosil, because he was also an accomplished weapons master. After he was exiled to Dale, I became Drosil’s apprentice as a commercial banker and an ax master. I heartily encourage Gimli's love of the battle-ax, and his lack of interest in an old fool's gold."


	13. Set 9: Bifur & Bombur - Mother Used To Say

Set 9: Bifur & Bombur - Mother Used To Say

It had all started when Bombur himself had brought Thorin and Dain's dinner. Bombur was one of several sectional head chefs, trusted to prepare untainted food for the king. All of the Company had been there to see their degrading injuries, so Dain insisted only Bombur bring him food. Bombur was a busy chef, and today resorted to sending Bifur.

Unlike shy Bombur, Bifur had no pressing work to get back to. As Thorin and Dain continued to bicker and fling spoonfuls of gruel at each other, Bifur took a seat and began to work on a carving, laughing to himself the whole time.

"You can't laugh at a king," Dain growled, just as gruel splatted in his eye. Now Bifur howled in laughter.

"I can't laugh at an honorable injury. This...This is merely a cautionary tale, Lord Dain."

"A what?"

"How?" Thorin caught on a bit faster.

"My mother always had a saying when I came home, needing to be patched up. And it is ever so fitting today. You did this to yourself." Bifur began his belly laugh again. "A soup tureen! This shall be one for the chronicles."

"You wouldn't dare!" Dain growled.

"I would." Thorin was all smiles. "Get Ori. He can start by drawing us."

"You had better..." Splut!

"The Tureen War. Battle of the Gruel." Bombur came in. "Just sit down and eat next time."


	14. Set 10: Balin & Gandalf – Phobias

Set 10: Balin & Gandalf – Phobias

The thunderhead clouds had begun to roll across Dale when Balin met Gandalf. Each had already finished their respective tasks and arranged to travel together back to Erebor, until Balin saw the storm coming.

"I believe that I will stay at an inn this evening." Balin had promptly turned his pony back to Dale.

"Come, Balin. Surely we will arrive well before it rains." Gandalf had interrupted a row between Bard and his council. He had given them all a piece of his mind after they rejected advice to calm down before proceeding. Leaving in a huff, Gandalf had promised not to return for some time, despite Bard's pleas to stay after realizing that he had screamed at a wizard.

"I'm not concerned with rain, but lightning." Balin was wise enough to remember to speak civilly to a wizard, but he wasn't happy. He looked overhead. "Lightning can strike far from where the rain falls, and this storm promises plenty."

"Your phobia is understandable, good Balin, though lightning is just a part of nature. Logic will help you deal with it. We will leave now to be safely inside Erebor long before any of the storm's effects come. Besides, didn't you mention that your pet Stripe needs to be fed, and that you worry that Dwalin isn't up to the task,?"

"You're right." Balin turned to reluctantly follow Gandalf's horse. He tried to take the wizard's advice to heart to be logical. As thunder rumbles began, the dwarf spoke of his new pet, a birthday present from Fili and Kili. Balin was surprised at how Stripe was an excellent addition to his lonely evening, though his days were full of dwarfs.

"You see, Balin? Nothing to worry about." Gandalf smiled kindly as they handed off their mounts to stable hands, their cloaks barely patterned with wet sprinkles. "Now, I will gladly accept your offer of dinner. I'm eager to see your new pet."

"Wonderful!" Balin smiled. Once Gandalf was seated in the parlor, he went to put Stripe in his carry box, a gift from Dwalin, who wouldn't handle her.

"I do hope that dinner comes soon, I'm quite famished." Gandalf's face froze in a look of terror.

"Here is Spike, a Striped-knee Tarantula. She lacks some of the colors of other species, but her personality is quite amusing." Balin's proud bearing turned to worry. "Gandalf? Have you taken ill?"

"Yes, quite ill." Gandalf chocked out as he got up and backed towards the door, "I must be going. So sorry, but wizard business, you see."

"Don't forget your hat and staff. I do not trust Kili and Fili if you should leave it. Perhaps another day for dinner then. Good journey, Gandalf." Balin shrugged as the wizard disappeared down the hallway. He followed the server in and put Stripe's box on the table. Perhaps wizards only accepted two or four legs as logical? Balin could only shrug again and began to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Balin is being cooperative because he likes to show off his new pet.


	15. Set 11: Bifur & Gandalf – A Walk in the Woods

A Walk in the Wood

"Bilbo, I'm not participating in a walk through Mirkwood to hunt giant spiders. I don't care if it is my set. I participated yesterday. That is enough for a wizard busy with Eriador business."

Bilbo looked at Bifur as the pale as a ghost wizard vanished in a puff of smoke. "Rather rude, wasn't he? Now we know the real reason that Gandalf dumped us at Thranduil's border."

"Would you like to accompany me?" Bifur was quite hurt. Gandalf had only read the title to his script and quite overreacted, in the hobbit's sensible opinion. Contrary to being dressed to battle giant spiders, the dwarf was wearing his finest outfit. He sniffed as he read over two shimmering tickets that he held in one hand.

"I've never been to an opera. It will be an enlightening experience if you explain it to me." Bilbo picked up Gandalf's discarded script. It was an opera in Dale, performed by a Mirkwood elves' troop, titled Walk in the Woods.

"There is a dinner beforehand." Bifur straightened his tunic and held out a ticket.

"Just let me get my cloak." Bilbo smiled. Wizards. They were the most illogical, rude creatures on Arda.


	16. Set 12: Bifur & Gandalf – A Storm

Set 12: Bifur & Gandalf – A Storm

"Balin, why are we going out on the guard's lookout tower? It's pouring rain out there." Thorin's ankle was better, and he had gladly accepted his advisor's offer of a walk to get out of the infirmary.

"We are doing this set. Bifur is in Dale for an opera. Gandalf refuses to come back after being rude to Bilbo. Let's begin." Balin took the scripts and indicated for Thorin to ascend the stairs to the tower.

"It's the best place to view the storm's lightning." Balin climbed the stairs behind Thorin. Despite carrying a wooden box, he was carefully guarding his king against any slips. Thorin was touched.

"Is there something special about this lightning? Though I'm glad for this reprieve from Oin." Thorin would climb Erebor herself if needed to be rid of Oin's attention, and Dain's incessant whining. Cracked ribs were not a terminal condition!

"Gandalf advised me to face my phobia of lightning by using logic." As they reached the top of the stairs, he looked out in time to see a flash of some across the sky. "I should watch it to understand it better."

"Only a mad wizard uses words like phobia," Thorin muttered as the wind blew the rain into the covered shelter. "No good will come of it."

"I also wanted my pet, Stripe, to get some fresh air. Dwalin always whines when I let her loose for exercise." Balin opened his box; it was empty. "Oh, dear."

"No good will come of it," Thorin muttered again as a good blast of wind blew something into his beard. "What is that?"

"There you are, Stripe." Balin snatched his pet just as Thorin jumped in horror. He quickly put the pesky escape artist back in her box. Thorin would have a few swear words to say, but he was too busy rolling down the stairs.

"Kings, always in a hurry." Balin shook his head and went to get Oin yet again.


	17. Set 13: Bilbo & Kili – A Day at the Beach

Set 13: Bilbo & Kili – A Day at the Beach

"It wasn't nice of you to steal the spell powder pouch from Fili." Kili wasn't pouting as he sunbathed next to Bilbo in his lounger. One could hardly call a hobbit in a big straw sun hat with a white stripe of zinc down his nose sunbathing, but Bilbo's feet were wiggling nonstop with pleasure from the sun's warmth.

"Never let your guard down when you know a burglar is around, retired or not." Bilbo shook his finger at Kili like a schoolmarm. "Just throwing it down on a lounger and running away to use the diving board made it a steal no one could resist, retired or not. Besides, I had business to attend to."

"You were supposed to stay here while we had the fun of traveling back and forth." Fili toweled himself off and plopped his sun hat on as he settled in a lounger for a nap. The older prince was taking the news of their being stuck here much better than Kili.

"It's not that bad, Kili." Bilbo sighed at Kili dejectedly folding his arms, even as a server tried to entice him to take a fruity umbrella drink. Tipping with gold coins got one excellent service.

"Will it help if I borrow the kitchen and make up a picnic basket for a day at the beach tomorrow?" Bilbo relented. He did come to a tropical paradise to enjoy himself. He could put up with a pouting, couped up Kili every winter day.

"What about your precious set schedule?" Kili was visibly pleased with the idea of a beach day, despite his words. He wanted more.

"Balin and Dori are in the next set." Fili chimed in. "No one wants to be around either of them in dealing with this lost bet business. We'll get you a beach ball on the way, little brother."

"I also want a doggie float that goes around your waist." Kili had put a lot of work into his prank plans. His IQ scolded him for acting so immature, but Kili was determined to have as much fun as he could before his mother, Dis, came to Erebor in a year. "And those jalapeno scones that you make, Bilbo.

"Scones it is." Bilbo yawned, and they all stretched back out to enjoy the sun.


	18. Set 14: Balin & Dori – Around the Campfire

Set 14: Balin & Dori – Around the Campfire

"This is a most pleasant way to end a day at the beach, wouldn't you agree, Dori?" Balin settled on one of a circle of camp chairs in a ring around their bonfire.

"Most certainly," Dori answered as he put marshmallows on Ori's stick, and tried to get his little brother to move his chair back from the fire a bit more. Bilbo had been shocked that the dwarves had never heard of such a treat.

"This is better than going out to the rainy woods, as the script called for." Nori yanked the stick away from Dori, haphazardly piling on three more marshmallows for Ori. There was no way that the sound dwarf wanted to hang out in a wet tree on a cold night because of a piece of paper and Thorin's stupid bet. The script had been tinder for the bonfire.

"I'm glad that you all approve." Bilbo smiled, while shaking the pouch around his neck at Kili and Fili. They didn't say anything, full as they were of smores. Kili had more marshmallow and chocolate smears on his face, and the doggie float that he still wore, than in his belly.

Fili saluted Bilbo with his stick of flaming marshmallows, his smile promising revenge. This was a smile that would have worried the hobbit, if the blob of flaming white goo hadn't slid down the stick right then.

"What about tomorrow's set?" Ori asked as he tried to silence his laughter at Fili's panicked reaction.

"Dwalin's problem. More chocolate, Dori?" Balin happily bit into his own delicious smore.


	19. Set 15: Bombur & Dwalin - Inhospitable Lodgings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italicized sections are where Dwalin breaks the fourth wall and talks to the author.

Set 15: Bombur & Dwalin - Inhospitable Lodgings

"What does inhospitable mean?" Bombur was reading the script, and eating a spicy jerky stick, as they departed from their lodgings in Bree and resumed their trip.

"Let me see." Dwalin pulled out his own copy of the script for today's set. "Inhospitable. Inhosp…Here it is." The gruff guard was rather upset at being thrust into Thorin's lost bet nightmare, but merely riding down a road seemed a simple task, if this was his only set so far.

_("Hey, you!" Dwalin taps on the computer screen. "Yes, you, so smart writer. You forgot to add a few things, like the definition, and the setting. This set is going to be rather boring if we just ride along. The Shire is a week's ride from Bree, and we only set out yesterday.")_

"Here it is. _(Credit to the source at Merriam-Webster.)_ Inhospitable has several meanings. _(No credit to our obtuse writer for not narrowing down the confusion.)_ The first is an adjective. _(Drop the fancy words. Look at Bombur's confused face. He thinks it's a dessert.)_ "

"Who are you talking to, Dwalin? I'm the main character for today." Bombur was indeed stopped, and had turned his pony around to watch his companion.

"Keep your socks on, Bombur." Dwalin ignored him as he read the script and thought a moment. "The first definition is 'not showing hospitality.' That's really informative _. (Define hospitality for us, smart alec!")_

"Next is 'not friendly or receptive, providing no shelter or sustenance. Happy now, Bombur?"

"If we are not provided shelter, then how can our lodgings, that we don't have, be considered inhospitable?" Bombur visibly gave up as he stuffed the script in a pocket to use as tinder later, and munched on a pressed fruit bar.

"You are the main character." Dwalin scrubbed his face with a hand. "You figure it out."

_("Hey you, writer! No more of this." Dwalin was not happy._

_"I can add you to another set instead. One or two of Gandalf's, perhaps."_

_"No. Add Bombur."_

_"Will do.")_

"This set has irreconcilable discrepancies in the script. Cut and print!" Bombur got off his pony. "I have lunch to oversee in the kitchens." Dwalin watched open-mouthed as the rotund dwarf crossed the unseen stage boundary and vanished.

_("Hey, how do I get back to Erebor?"_

_"You said that Bombur was in charge, and he said cut. Time to print.")_


	20. Set 16: Fili & Gandalf - Unexpected Luxuries/Simple Pleasures

Set 16: Fili & Gandalf - Unexpected Luxuries/Simple Pleasures

"There you are, Prince Fili." Gandalf crossed the narrow bridge leading to Erebor's throne. Fili, decked out in his best Crown Prince finery, turned from his examination of the crumbled seat of power.

"Gandalf." He was clearly deep in thought.

"I had heard that most of Thorin's Company were on vacation far from here."

"We were." Fili had always been the thinker, quiet to a fault when not near his younger brother.

"Is something wrong? You seem almost mesmerized by the throne. I hear that it will be completely removed, replaced by a podium of some sort." Gandalf looked at the damaged setting that had once held the Arkenstone.

"Nothing is wrong." Fili turned from the throne with a forced smile. "You were looking for me, Gandalf?."

"You must miss Thorin's Halls; they were your family's home your entire life."

"Why do my now limitless luxuries make me yearn for the simplest things?" Fili looked at the jeweled rings on his fingers. "Things that were common, everyday pleasures for a poor heir, and quite out of reach to a Crown Prince."

"You have moved on to a new chapter in your life, Prince Fili," Gandalf spoke after a moment's thought, gazing carefully at the sad prince. "The good news is that your mother will be coming within the year, which will ease your homesickness. I'm also gladdened that you have kept your perspective, and not let luxury cloud your judgment. You will be a good kind, Fili."

"Perhaps." Both let the issue of gold sickness pass unspoken. Fili would never suffer as his predecessors had. "What were you looking for, by the way?"

"I was looking for Dwalin. No one has seen him since yesterday."

"He's still on the road from Bree to the Shire. Bombur left him." Fili didn't sound all that concerned. Dwalin had been rather brusque with Bombur, a kind soul.

"If he didn't come back with Bombur, the distance spell ended soon after. He will be stuck in his current situation until his next set, which is next month." Gandalf shook his head. Balin would be doubly vexed with Thorin now. "Don't worry. I imagine that he will head to Thorin's Halls."

"The poor guy." Fili sighed, clearly willing to trade all of the gold around him to be at Dwalin's campfire next to a deserted road.


	21. Set 17: Gandalf & Gloin - Stranded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italicized sections are dwarves interacting with the writer.

Set 17: Gandalf & Gloin – Stranded

Gloin looked at Gandalf and shook his head as he turned back to the fire. "Mad wizard."

"Master Gloin, this is a perfectly acceptable tropical beach we are on. The sunset was quite spectacular. I see little reason for resorting to insults." Gandalf looked quite at home, settled on a rock as he packed his pipe. "The stars are lovely tonight. We may even catch sight of a few shooting stars."

"You had better hope so," Gloin growled. He was comfortably dressed in a dwarf's version of summer wear, but the beach that they were on was barely a beach. In fact, there were only a few rocks and one palm tree on the mound of sand that wasn't an island at all.

"We were supposed to use the two pinches of Randagast's spell powder to get to my family at Bofur's beach party. Pray that those shooting stars grant your wish, wizard. I've nothing to do now but plan your demise so that I can use your bones and hide to build a canoe."

"By the way, have you seen Dwalin?" Gandalf continued talking as if they were having a smoke outside of Bilbo's smial.

 **Poof!** Dwalin stood under the palm tree, dressed in an oil cloak and sopping wet.

_("Why you, numbskull writer!"_

_"You were complaining that it was monsoon season as you passed through the Shire. Here you go: one tropical beach, as promised.")_

"Ah, Dwalin. It's so good of you to join us." Gandalf merely motioned Dwalin to have a seat after he peeled off his wet outerwear. He took the proffered pipe and sat, angry puffs mimicking smoke signals that would read something unprintable.

Gloin just stared at Dwalin, then looked around. "Ah, hey? Can I get a lift? I'd appreciate it, being stuck with a mad wizard and all."

_("Certainly. Off to Bofur's party, fashionably late.")_

"That takes the cake." Dwalin managed after a coughing fit of rage.

"It does." Gandalf agreed amicably and settled back with a pipe to watch the shooting stars.


	22. Set 18: Balin & Bilbo – A Dream/Nightmare/Trouble Sleeping

Set 18: Balin & Bilbo – A Dream/Nightmare/Trouble Sleeping

Balin sat in his parlor, watching the fireplace. He noted the time on Bifur's newest gadget, a water clock. Stoking up the fire, he left his book and sat back to smoke his pipe and wait. They would come in the next hour, or not at all.

Two voices sounded in the hallway, one loud, confused. The other was soft, barely audible, but calm. Balin sighed and got up to open his door. Bilbo, sleepshirt and hair rumpled, smiled with an exasperated look. He had a good grip of both fists on Thorin's sleepshirt outfit, complete with royal blue socks.

"Sorry," Bilbo whispered as he propelled the half-awake Thorin inside.

"His bed's all ready. There is tea for when you have him settled." Balin guided his king by the shoulder, to help the much smaller hobbit steer their reluctant sleepwalker into a bedroom set aside for just this reason. Some night's Thorin was more awake, and obedient to Bilbo's instructions, than others. Tonight, he was wary, still shaken from a dream.

"The ramparts dream again?" Balin handed the weary Bilbo a blanket as he settled into a chair. On the bad nights, Bilbo wouldn't leave, and fell asleep by the fire.

"It was a stressful day. Everyone being tired just made it worse." Bilbo shrugged. "That dream just makes Thorin more agitated if I'm the one he wakes to when he sleepwalks." The Company were used to their king sleepwalking to a random member's door front. It was now standard procedure to just direct Thorin to Balin's chambers. If he woke in any other dwarf's rooms, he was unbearable to be around the next day, not wanting to be seen from the embarrassment.

"It was." Balin agreed. He himself suffered insomnia on such occasions, making him available to open the door. It was convenient, but none were grateful for the coincidence. A lifetime of war and challenges took their toll on a dwarf. Even Bilbo had the occasional nightmare that brought his shaking form to the advisor's door.

"How do you take this night after night?" Bilbo talked to his barely touched tea. "I know that dwarves are hardy, but Thorin's dreams." The hobbit stopped. He now had an excellent idea of the things that Thorin experienced in his dreams.

"The same way that dwarves survive all the challenges that they face." Balin took a deep breath after blowing out a trail of smoke. "We depend on each other; we look out for those who need a hand. Just as you sit in on early morning council meetings for me at times, Bilbo. Just as you make certain that Bofur gets home from the tavern safely. It appears that hobbits were tailor-made to help dwarves."

"Perhaps." Bilbo looked at the partially open door of Thorin's room. Luckily, he had fallen back to sleep the moment Bilbo pushed him off balance into bed. "Perhaps."


	23. Set 19: Bifur & Bilbo – Games/Sports

Set 19: Bifur & Bilbo – Games/Sports

Bilbo sat on one of several benches near the exit of the training grounds. His feet swayed to and fro as he yawned and looked around. The basket that he had brought sat beside him, now empty.

Bifur was supposed to show him the basics of some sort of uniquely dwarven sport during this set. He had called it a very competitive sport, but Bilbo could only relate its description to the fauntling game of hide and seek mixed with rope climbing. Instead, Thorin had shown up, arguing that he should get this set with their hobbit.

As Bifur was the main character in this set, Bilbo could only sit and wait. He had promised himself that he would be willing to forgo elevensies as he waited, but not lunch. He was bored with swinging his whistle cord around his finger. One last look at the two dwarves brandishing wooden weapons had Bilbo collecting his basket and scurrying away.

Bilbo felt bad as he helped himself to some juicy roast and glazed carrots. Bifur joined him while Bilbo was considering cherry or blueberry scones for dessert. Freshly cleaned up, the dwarf was dressed in his court clothes. He just shook his head at the hobbit's questioning look when Thorin didn't appear.

"Back in the infirmary. The sword master tripped over his own weapon; didn't let his ankle heal properly first." Bifur settled for various side dishes and a few scones, as the roast was long gone.

Bilbo contemplated the remaining glazed carrots on his plate and reached for a spoon. "The set is about sports and games. I'd like to show you a game from the Shire."

"What is it called?" Bifur was a sucker for competitive games, and the hobbits surprisingly had a few very competitive sports. Bilbo was ruthless at the dodge ball/football hybrid that the dwarves had made up.

SPLAT!

"Food fight!" Bilbo was already ducked under the table and sending more carrots flying. Bifur paused for a moment, carrots sliding down his face. Then he calmly began eating. "A good food fight needs a good song."

"Why, I don't…" Bilbo's head shot up just enough for…SPLAT! Bifur's spoon was sending its own corn missiles, interspersed with pudding.

"Splat, fling, duck. Splat, fling, duck." Bifur began singing merrily.

"Bilbo, Oin says that I just need to keep my foot wrapped for…" Thorin came into the dining hall, just to have two dozen dwarves fling food at him. Mostly odd shift miners, they all froze when they saw their splatted king.

"All of you had better be at Dain's next meal. One silver coin for every hit. One gold coin for every hit that stains his clothes." Thorin calmly wiped his face with the now mortified Bilbo's handkerchief and reached for a scone.


	24. Set 20: Balin & Kili – Drinking

Set 20: Balin & Kili – Drinking

Balin set his ale down, careful not to spill the frothy drink in his anger. He signaled to a server, who quickly brought him a new mug and a large pitcher of quite potent mead. Breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, the advisor managed a firm tone.

"No, Kili. We are not going to get drunk and kidnap your uncle." Balin doubted that Thorin would consider this an act of cheerful participation in his lost bet. More like one step too close to regicide. Thorin knew too well how much Balin liked the plush, goose down cushions lining his stone council chair. They would definitely disappear after such a fiasco disguised as a prank.

"But it's on the card. See? Kidnap and uncle." Kili put down his mug of ale, sloshing most of it on the random word card that appeared in some sets. This writer was trying their best to give Balin a permanent migraine. "

"No, Kili." Balin downed his second mug of mead.

"Can I have some of that?" Kili reached for the pitcher. The amateur was actually going to mix good honey mead with his now flat ale. Balin's mug conked a princely head and was refilled before the server could turn to see what went thump on the floor.

"Odd. Durin's are rather well known for holding their drink." The server shrugged at Kili under the table. "Will you be having anything else, Master Balin?"

"No. Just put tonight's drinks on the prince's tab." Balin considered it a fair trade for hauling the unconscious dwarf home. As the king's advisor, he could hardly leave the spare heir like this in public. Smiling, Balin settled back and sipped the fine mead. If Thorin complained, then Balin would just say that he did what was on the card. This was a fine drink indeed.


	25. Set 21: Bilbo & Oin - A Dare

Set 21: Bilbo & Oin - A Dare

“What did I tell you about accepting a dare from dwarves?” Oin sat to put another poultice on a rather swollen hobbit ankle.

“Dwarves don’t know their own strength, nor hobbit frailties,” Bilbo repeated back, gritting his teeth from saying something nasty. Hobbits were sturdy, but not quite up to dwarven standards.

“It’s all the same. I keep telling all of you, including my brother, that we just need to have the patience to endure the 100 sets. Best just to get it done with.” Oin secured the poultice and picked Bilbo up to put him in an infirmary bed, lecturing all the way.

“Oh no. It wasn’t that way. Not at all." Bilbo was now rather upset. “I accepted Dain’s dare, not to end the sets, but to double them. Thorin is truly enjoying the experience.”

Oin just shook his head as Bilbo and his new neighbor, Thorin, began chatting excitedly about set ideas.


	26. Set 22: Bifur & Bombur - Gossip/A Rumor

Set 22: Bifur & Bombur - Gossip/A Rumor

Bifur sat in Thorin's chair next to Bofur in the sound room. He pulled out a half-made trinket and began to pick at it, adjusting cogs and tightening miniature screws.

"Are you all set there, Thorin? Can you hear me alright, Bilbo?" Bofur adjusted the dials on his soundboard.

"This is Bifur's set." Thorin stood with Bilbo in the middle of the market day scene. Dwarves gawked, but still went on about their day. They were truly diligent in their crafts.

As Thorin and Bilbo still had injured ankles, they both wove back and forth rather unsteadily. They had crutches, but Bilbo had never used a pair before, and his first steps on the things had sent him falling backward. Now, without Oin behind him, the hobbit refused to move from the spot he was in.

"Quote: 'Bilbo and Thorin must both fill in when another dwarf either quits a prompt or refuses to participate.' Unquote." Bifur tightened a spring. "I'm busy. You two are it today. Action!"

"Just read the random word on the card, Thorin." Bilbo glared with jealousy as Thorin quickly thumped circles around the hobbit on his own crutches. The idiot would have plenty of experience with the things.

"There are five words today, not just one. We need to use all of them." Thorin flicked out a crutch with one arm, aiming it at the sound booth. "This is not fair!"

"Totally." Bilbo was clearly thinking Thorin's crutch talent not fair.

"Just read the card and improvise." Bilbo's chair wasn't a good fit for any dwarf. It was no fun having one's knees hugging one's ears.

"Extreme. Suspicion. Freshman. Height. Modest." Thorin tossed the card. It landed by Bilbo's feet. Reaching down, he managed to land on his head with a soft plop. Grabbing the card, Bilbo then rolled to his side and managed to sit.

"These crutches are an extreme form of trying to keep one's balance." Hobbit hands began to fold the card, with Bilbo shielding it with his body out of view.

"I'm beginning to get a suspicion that you have a plan." Thorin thumped over, not quite agile enough to lean in and see the project.

"A freshman is a novice. You are a novice and wouldn't appreciate this papercraft, Thorin." Bilbo was milking his prowess with this for all that it was worth upon seeing Thorin's crutches skill limit reached.

"My height aids me in being good with crutches. Perhaps you need your crutches adjusted." Thorin wasn't blind to Bilbo's mood. Out of a sense of self-preservation, they had all learned quickly how to read their hobbit's feelings.

"You are too modest, Thorin. These crutches are designed to kill, just like other dwarven weapons." Bilbo grumped, but he straightened and held up a folded paper sword in his hand. He began to beat on one crutch. "Die, you fiend!"


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized song lyrics are from the 1977 song 'Stayin' Alive' written and performed by the Bee Gees.

Set 23: Dori & Oin - Music/Dancing/Singing

"Another random word card? What a surprise." Oin sighed as Dori unfolded the paper. They were sitting on high stools in the café section of Erebor's main market square. Nearby was an stage where different musicians were taking turns performing. A very unhappy Thorin was currently strumming on his harp while tied to a chair, as Bifur stood nearby with his boar spear in hand.

"Expect. Earthquake. Illustrate. Emotion." Dori put the card down on their table. He was getting free, expensive tea, so he was going along politely with this charade of chaos.

"We are expected to dance?" Oin had done enough work on these sets. He was a busy medical dwarf. Bones didn’t set themselves!

"Bifur and Bombur had gossip and rumor for yesterday's set." Dori stroked his beard thoughtfully, while rereading the card. "The closest they got to those words was that they had the set in the market, a known rumor mill. We can play around with this."

“I highly doubt that.” Thorin glared at Bifur, who only smiled and waved his boar spear for his king to continue his song.

"Attention, everyone! Attention!" Kili and Fili were suddenly upon the stage, fiddles in hand. "We would like to share a request for a special song with you today."

"We were big-time bribed to do it. So, no, Uncle, we won't be quiet and let you finish your rather dull song." Kili was smiling too broadly. "Ok, everyone, get up and dance."

Thorin, Dori, and Oin sat stunned as the princes began a fiddle rendition of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Fili's voice was rather good at matching the tune.

_"Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother_

_You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive_

_Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'"_

"Cue the earthquake." Thorin crossed his arms as he sulked.

The ground began to rumble, but only under Dori and Oin's chairs. Kili laughed as he fiddled and joined Fili in the chorus. _"And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive"_

"This does poignantly illustrate the emotion associated with self-preservation." Oin quickly got to his feet and looked at his bum as he shook it in different directions. Dori's voice joined the princes, though it was somewhat more strained than theirs.

_"Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive_

_Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive"_


	28. Chapter 28

Set 24: Bofur & Oin - A Gift

Oin was speechless for a full minute as he looked at the gift that Bofur had just brought him. It was a wagon small enough for one dwarf to pull. Shaped like a large rectangular box, it had over a dozen drawers of various sizes. Bofur proudly showed off his carpenter skills as he pulled the handle and showed how the four wheels rolled smoothly.

"No matter how fragile your bottles of concoctions are, they will ride nice and safe in these drawers."

"You made me a pull cart to be able to take medical supplies to a patient?" Oin finally spoke, tentatively opening one of the drawers. On the inside, Bofur had put wooden racks with ties to hold supplies steady.

"Yes, I did. Do you like it?" Bofur was visibly gearing up to show Oin all of the little details.

"But…But why? This must have taken you weeks to make." Oin knew that Bofur was a very busy dwarf involved in reopening damaged sections of Erebor. Many Durin's Folk were expected from Ered Luin come spring.

"As thanks for helping Bifur, a gift." Bofur was clearly enjoying Oin's surprise. "You made that pain tonic that helps his headaches without making him tired or groggy. He can't work when he has headaches, nor when tonics affect him. You gave him back his sense of purpose, Oin."

"It just a standard recipe." Oin couldn't help but run a hand across the beautifully polished wood.

"Not to Bifur, nor to me." Bofur picked up the handle and waited. "Shall I help you load your supplies?"

"I would appreciate the help." Oin accepted the handle and slowly pulled the wagon into the infirmary.


End file.
